whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)
So I spent this past weekend at an archaeology conference, mostly for people who do experimental or recreational archaeology.  There were a lot of presentations of papers, which was interesting, but boring at the same time, and Saturday afternoon we actually got to do some hands-on stuff.  I got to try my hand at making a viking bead with glass (it broke, unfortunately, but I had fun trying), I made some cordage (thin cord made out of various plant materials) and made a bracelet with what I made.  The best part was that I got to smelt some iron.  We weren't actually smelting from iron ore, but rather from some scrap iron, to make a lump of iron that could potentially be worked into a blade or something.  So now I have a 536 gram lump of blade-quality iron.

AND I FINALLY KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY ARCHAEOLOGY STUFF!!  I want to learn blacksmithing, and do experimental stuff, and maybe work at a living history place or something.  I mean, before it was just "archaeology, cool stuff, get to dig in the dirt!" and all the other archaeology students I talked to were like "what's your concentration/focus?" and I just didn't know.  But know I really do know, and it's such a fantastic feeling.

Anyways, I feel like I've been so out of touch with people on lj, and I haven't posted in ages.  So how are people doing?

life sucks

Sep. 24th, 2010 12:45 am
whogeek: greg in the hall post-explosion (Greggo Oww)
So, I wanted to join the Marching Band service fraternity,  Kappa Kappa Psi(pronounced sigh).  Went to rush events, hung out with the KKPsi people, talked, laughed, generally had a lot of fun with them.  So Wednesday, I had to turn in my letter of intent, saying that yes, I wanted to pledge.  A few hours ago, a couple of people from KKPsi came by my dorm room to tell me if I could pledge or not.  I can't.  My GPA is too low right now, because of the whole, passive aggressive, depression thing last year.  You know,  this shit.  So I've been working all last semester and now this semester to bring my GPA up, but it's still too low.  It's really rather disappointing, because I really wanted to do this.  I feel kind of empty at the moment.  And I'm tired.  It hurts a bit.  Because this was something that was really important to me.  And I still have writings to get done.  Fuck my life.

Restless

Sep. 12th, 2010 02:38 am
whogeek: lions and tigers and bears button (Run Away!!)
Every so often, I get this restless feeling.  It's like an itch, deep under my skin, down in my bones.  And I can stave it off, at least for a little while, and when it gets too bad I can usually work it out by doing some exploring, but that's not what the itch is about.  There's only a handful of times that I actually managed to satisfy the itch, giving in and scratching it as hard as I can.  But aside from those few times it's always there, building quietly, until it's singing under my skin.  So I explore, walk around campus, or up to wander the shops downtown, but it's never quite enough.  It's this need to fight, to pit my strength against someone else.  All muscle and movement and god, it makes me feel so alive when I can let that part of me out just a little.  Because I know what can happen if I don't.  And I don't like losing time to the beast inside myself, the more primal, possessive, protective version of myself.  Because she's fierce, and reckless, and dangerous, and she doesn't know when to stop.  And god, the first time she burst through scared me so much, because I lost control, and I barely stopped her from doing anything, and that was only because my friends stopped me.  And sometimes she prowls so close under the surface I don't feel like I can touch anyone without putting them in danger.  Because if she breaks free, I don't think I could stop her, when it takes so much to contain her, to satisfy her need to fight.

And it's getting harder and harder.  I can't hold her back nearly as well as I used to, and I'm lucky she seems to genuinely like some people, but she doesn't like my roommate.  And that worries me.  Because I'm having to go to classes, and do homework, and go to football games with marching band, and fight to keep her in line, and I'm exhausted.  And I'm worried that my roommate will say or do something, and I'll snap and yell and shout at her, because the beast thinks she's utterly selfish and inconsiderate.  And she liked my roomie from last semester.  She always makes the happy, contented cat like noises around my previous roomie.  And I don't get this bad when I spend a lot of time being extremely physically active, or if I'm around the people the beast likes a lot.  Which is kind of disconcerting.

And I think, if I had grown up just a little differently, I might have been something like a berserker.  Which is scary as fuck.
whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)
So, a few days ago, I posted a comment to a post by df_chipz, and jetpack_angel responded with something that got me thinking.  Basically the comment was that I should play a laywer on a tv show.  Which was really nice.  But it really got me thinking, and I realized that as much as I enjoy theater and good tv shows and movies, I really doubt I could be the one on stage/screen.  For starters, I'm not really fond of lawyers, although my mother could have been one, rather than the whole chemical engineering thing, and my sister was seriously addicted to the Law & Order shows when they were still fresh (especially SVU and CI).  I mean, I know where the whole idea of me being a tv laywer came from what with my whole argument, but that eloquent, argumentative version of myself only comes out when I'm seriously annoyed and actually have a moment to gather my thoughts.  That, and the laywer parts never have any good humor bits.  Which, in considering, I would fail at anyways.  I'd probably burst into laughter halfway through a scene and have to start over, and it wouldn't necessarily be something that happened on set.  I'd catch something happening behind the cameras or off to one side, or I'd just burst out at a line.  I mean, that's my thing.  I'm watching CSI or CSI: NY or NCIS and one of the character will say or do something, and I'll just snigger, because whatever it was they did will have been so......... them that I just find it absolutely hilarious.  I'm not sure I'm making sense.

Anyways, I kinda realized that I'd rather do some of the writing for a show, rather than the actual acting.  I'm more of a behind-the-scenes gal.  Either the writing or sound tech or a props/set person.  Because then, watching the actors, if I was going to laugh, I could actually cover my mouth and keep myself quiet. 

Anyways.  Thats kinda been floating around my head since the comment was made, and I just wanted to get it out of my system.

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