whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (I'm a geek)
So working at a camp is.... an adventure and a half, shall we say. It's a lot of fun too, and I can genuinely say I like everyone I work with (not necessarily as co-workers but as people in general) and I love being able to work with the young women coming for the CIT program.

We just finished up "Magic and Mysteries" week, aka "Harry Potter" week and it was a blast! I got to play Snitch for the Quidditch Tournament and also play a staff game to keep the girls entertained while the scores were all being tallied up. It was all kinds of wet and muddy because it had rained just a few hours before so most of the kids were caked in mud. I actually managed to not slip and fall down in the mud but I did get hit by a couple of bludgers (which at that point were more mud-balls than foam) so I threw my shirt in with my girls' shirts for a quick wash. I definitely want to look into joining the Quidditch team at my school this next semester. So much fun. 'My' unit (I'm assigned to a unit for the week because I'm not actually in one) won the second task which involved making a boat out of random objects, taking it across the lake and completing challenges along the way, 'rescuing' another counselor and then bringing everything back across the lake. It was a lot of fun to watch and cheer for and my unit won that challenge. Then there was the Horcrux hunt, which is a challenge/scavenger hunt. I wasn't involved because I had to get sleep so I could drive for the day camp group the next morning but apparently it was pretty awesome too. It was honestly a lot of fun, especially dressing up as 'Hawkeye Moody' for parts of one day.

I think the only thing I would want to change is some of the Admin decisions. Especially the way some of my co-workers are being treated. I'm not going to go into that now because it'll just make me angry again.
whogeek: growling tiger (Ticked Off)
 FUCK THIS!!  I hate my insomnia.  I have a final in.... 5 hours, and I haven't been able to fall asleep.  And I'm not even being productive like I sometimes get when my brain just won't shut up.  I just... can't get to sleep.  I went to bed 4 hours ago, and haven't slept a wink.

Oh, and people on FB keep sending me links to the 'leaked' video of Bin Laden's death/execution what-the-fuck-ever.  I don't give a shit about the video, and i DON'T WANT TO SEE IT!!! STOP SENDING IT TO ME!!!!!  I WILL FUCKING DE-FRIEND YOU IF YOU DON'T GET THE MESSAGE THAT I DON'T WANT TO SEE PEOPLE GET KILLED.  I AM NOT INTO THAT SHIT, THE BASTARD IS DEAD, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SEEING IT.  MAYBE YOU CAN WATCH THE GODDAMNED VIDEO AND NOT HAVE YOUR STOMACH TRY TO VACATE YOUR BODY, BUT I AM NOT DOWN WITH WATCHING PEOPLE DIE.  FOR FUCKS SAKE, I BURST INTO TEARS THE FIRST TIME I HIT A GUY WITH THE INTENT TO HARM.  I DON'T WATCH GORY SHIT FOR THE SAKE OF THE GORE.  TORTURE PORN IS NOT MY THING, SO DON'T EXPECT ME TO ENJOY IT.  I think I'm done now......

On top of that, my roommate keeps unplugging the fridge when I still have stuff in there.  Awesome.

I am so ready to be done with this shit.
whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)
So, it is 3 something in the morning, and I'm still awake.  Fuck insomnia.  At this point, I think I'm just insane.  Which, entirely possible.  Also, I don't think I've ever written as much fanfic as I have in the last few weeks.  It seems I've found my home fandom in Hawaii Five-0.  And apparently, watching SGA and having insomnia makes my brain come up with weird fic ideas.  Involving a, gasp, horrors! self-insert of myself as, oddly enough(or maybe not oddly, but just, well, not my actual field of study) a botanist with the gene who has bouts of insomnia.  Which, kinda weird, but not.  I did consider horticulture.  But anyways.  Despite all the fandoms I've gotten into(and out of) and written for, Hawaii Five-0 has definitely kicked it into high gear.

Also, according to [livejournal.com profile] shanachie_quill , I am Joe Flanigan.  Only, shorter, stockier, with lighter hair and internal reproduction.  I kept complaining about my cowlicks being itchy, and explained that I have seven of them on my head, and if I cut it really ridiculously short, it would do pretty much the same thing that his does.  And occasionally, they make my scalp itch whenever I touch them.
whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)
Fuck this.  I'm exhausted, but my brain just won't shut up.  I really just wan't a good night's sleep. 
whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)
 So, got back to campus from the wedding in Kentucky around 6-ish, got all my crap up to my room, then went to have dinner with my parents and one of my friends.  Was awesome, got to introduce her to good Chinese food.  :D  Anyways.  Wedding was long (Catholic mass),  but the reception was awesome.  Had a lot of fun dancing, and getting my younger girl cousins to dance.

But, found out my dog has cancer.  :(  Sad day, which means that if it's not treatable, aka, if there's tendrils of it going into her heart, probably the best thing would be to put her down.  Which sucks, because  for a dog who's 11, she's got the physiology of a dog of 7 or 8.  So I'm worrying about that.

So, classes start today, I've got a lab at 9 today.  boo, hiss.  So, Off I go!
whogeek: greg in the hall post-explosion (Greggo Oww)
I've been sick all week, and this week is homecoming week.  Which means, the marching band has been working really hard at practices, but because I basically can't breathe, I couldn't play or march.  Fuck.  So we had a performance tonight.  Kinda informal, no uniforms or anything, but a performance.  I couldn't play.  Because I currently can't breathe right.  And I talked to the band director earlier tonight, and basically, I'm at the point where I'm in danger of losing my place in the band.  Because I missed the first game, and I might miss tomorrows game, and if I miss one more..... well, it sucks.  And I want to scream and rage and punch things and cry and generally go batshit, but I can't because I have no voice and my life sucks.  Someone tell me I'm being irrational and whiny, because I need someone to knock some sense into me.  Real bad. 

life sucks

Sep. 24th, 2010 12:45 am
whogeek: greg in the hall post-explosion (Greggo Oww)
So, I wanted to join the Marching Band service fraternity,  Kappa Kappa Psi(pronounced sigh).  Went to rush events, hung out with the KKPsi people, talked, laughed, generally had a lot of fun with them.  So Wednesday, I had to turn in my letter of intent, saying that yes, I wanted to pledge.  A few hours ago, a couple of people from KKPsi came by my dorm room to tell me if I could pledge or not.  I can't.  My GPA is too low right now, because of the whole, passive aggressive, depression thing last year.  You know,  this shit.  So I've been working all last semester and now this semester to bring my GPA up, but it's still too low.  It's really rather disappointing, because I really wanted to do this.  I feel kind of empty at the moment.  And I'm tired.  It hurts a bit.  Because this was something that was really important to me.  And I still have writings to get done.  Fuck my life.

Restless

Sep. 12th, 2010 02:38 am
whogeek: lions and tigers and bears button (Run Away!!)
Every so often, I get this restless feeling.  It's like an itch, deep under my skin, down in my bones.  And I can stave it off, at least for a little while, and when it gets too bad I can usually work it out by doing some exploring, but that's not what the itch is about.  There's only a handful of times that I actually managed to satisfy the itch, giving in and scratching it as hard as I can.  But aside from those few times it's always there, building quietly, until it's singing under my skin.  So I explore, walk around campus, or up to wander the shops downtown, but it's never quite enough.  It's this need to fight, to pit my strength against someone else.  All muscle and movement and god, it makes me feel so alive when I can let that part of me out just a little.  Because I know what can happen if I don't.  And I don't like losing time to the beast inside myself, the more primal, possessive, protective version of myself.  Because she's fierce, and reckless, and dangerous, and she doesn't know when to stop.  And god, the first time she burst through scared me so much, because I lost control, and I barely stopped her from doing anything, and that was only because my friends stopped me.  And sometimes she prowls so close under the surface I don't feel like I can touch anyone without putting them in danger.  Because if she breaks free, I don't think I could stop her, when it takes so much to contain her, to satisfy her need to fight.

And it's getting harder and harder.  I can't hold her back nearly as well as I used to, and I'm lucky she seems to genuinely like some people, but she doesn't like my roommate.  And that worries me.  Because I'm having to go to classes, and do homework, and go to football games with marching band, and fight to keep her in line, and I'm exhausted.  And I'm worried that my roommate will say or do something, and I'll snap and yell and shout at her, because the beast thinks she's utterly selfish and inconsiderate.  And she liked my roomie from last semester.  She always makes the happy, contented cat like noises around my previous roomie.  And I don't get this bad when I spend a lot of time being extremely physically active, or if I'm around the people the beast likes a lot.  Which is kind of disconcerting.

And I think, if I had grown up just a little differently, I might have been something like a berserker.  Which is scary as fuck.
whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)


So, Friday I was sick, and I ended up missing two of my classes.  Saturday, however I was going to be riding 3 hours West into Tennessee.  Yay, fun stuff!  So the drive was pretty uneventful, aside from being pretty bored and not really being able to breathe properly.  Today I fenced.  And I had to borrow a pair of knickers(yes, that is what they are called) from the hosting school.  I also had to use one of my teammate's stuff when I subbbed in.  I ended up subbing in for her to go up against one of the best teams at the event. !!!  Was very NOT FUN!  So, aside from only having fenced four short bouts, I'm exhausted.  I didn't get a good, full nights sleep, yesterday was long, and today was stressful.

I did take the time to call my dad and wish him a happy birthday.


whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)
Can't really explain my mood.  Didn't sleep last night.  Yammered to a friend about sex, sexuality, and sex ed for an hour or so.  Showered.  Read fic.  Feeling, I guess laconic?  No, that's not right.  Maybe melancholy.  Only it's not quite right.  Maybe a little maudlin.  Pensive.  That works.  Melancholy and Pensive with a touch of Maudlin.  Prowled around the dorm a little.  Came back to my room, turned on some music.  Read more fic.  Realized that, despite there being no Target, Wal-Mart not being open 24/7, the inability/lack of incentive to find a good pancake,  everything in the "downtown" area closing at 5, and a TV that is flaky at the best of times, I'm genuinely happy here.  I don't think I would have been as happy at another college(aka, my second choice, which is larger and more prestigeous.  Am I backwards or what?).  Nights like tonight, when I can't sleep, I have a habit of standing by the window, where there's this little spot between my wardrobe and the fridge, right over the ac/heat unit and watching out the window.  It's soothing, because even though I can see a major road, and a major intersection from my window, there's almost nothing going on out there.  This place actually does calm.  My second choice college is actually in Raleigh(state capitol, one of the biggest cities in NC), and I really doubth that the campus is ever actually calm.  And, at my second choice, I'd probably be rooming with my best friend from HS, and I don't think she'd appreciate my restless pacing at night.  Yes, the wind can be fierce, the almost constant snow grates after a while, the drunken idiots on my floor annoy the hell out of me(there's only a handful of people I've met who actually have the potential to incite me to the point where i enter blackout homicidal rage mode, and there's one on my floor), and desperately needing something to do when I've got free time, but I love this place.  I genuinely do.  At this point in my life, there's nowhere else I'd rather be.  I've got issues.  The whole, blackout rage thing, for one, and some weird as hell emotional knots(complicated, possibly, by the discussion in Fencing a while back about how "Lefties are twins who ate the other one" and wondering if that fucked me up totally even before I was born) for another.  The insomnia, the near-suicidal depression at one point.  Anyways.  Off track.  And despite feeling so at home, I still have no fucking idea what to major in.  Goddamn my brain.  But yeah.  Felt, odd.  Realized that my little all-night things with sporadic staring out the window really helps me stay sane by reminding me that calmness is a good thing.
whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)

I had a really late night last night.  Got to bed around 2:40 and had to be up at 7:20.  And that was after fencing, so I was exhausted.  Which, aparently, led to a really strange dream.  Remember, back in November sometime I watched "The Monkey King" starring Thomas Gibson (http://whogeek.livejournal.com/7171.html) really late one night/early the next morning.  Right? Right...  Anyways.  So I was really tired by the time I got to bed, and by the time I crawled into my bed and actually got to sleep, and I ended up dreaming about it.... which makes me want to see it again....  Because as awkward as Thomas Gibson is in that role, I would seriously pay to see him smile like that again, because he doesn't smile nearly enough as Hotch on CM.

So, yeah.  That's about it....

Edit: So, there's these 2 guys in my English class, and one of them looks a little like Hotch, and another looks vaguely like Reid..... It was a bit shocking when I realized it.
whogeek: The WhoGeek w/ blue/white/red target (Default)
So this is my review of CSI: NY 606, so in fair warning, if you haven't seen it yet, don't read under the cut, becasue HERE BE SPOILERAGE!  There.  If you haven't watched and you spoil it for yourself, don't blame me.  I warned you.
Clicky for Spoilerish ranting )

On a completely unrelated note, I should not stay up all night, no matter what all kinds of interesting conversations I may be having with [personal profile] jetpack_angel, because it just makes it almost impossible for me to stay awake in my 9 AM calculus class.  And then when I take a nap at 3 in the afternoon, I sleep until 10:45, at which point all the food places on campus are closed, and I don't feel like asking anyone to drive me to Cookout, or Wendy's, or ordering pizza, so I end up having one of those ready to heat individual ravioli things. And a soda, because the machine downstairs was out of milk.

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