A different kind of restless

[whogeek]

The Beast is clawing away at me, just under the skin.  And this restlessness is so much harder to ignore.  Screaming, snarling, roaring at me.  The urge to get out, flee, run, hide, run, run, don't look back, get away, push people away, runrunrunrunrun.  And where the need to move, fight, MOVE is hard to ignore, this is 10, 20 times worse.  The urge to run away from everything, everyone who's close to me, everyone who knows me.  And it hurts to ignore it.  Because it would be so easy to just walk out and disappear.  And there's a normal part of me that wants to.  To just move, go, escape, leave and not come back, just me, my laptop, and a few other things.  It would be so easy, and part of me wants to.  I want to listen to the urge to be anywhere but here, and just leave all the worries about school and stuff behind.  I want to not care about getting through college, and it's so hard to resist.

Comments

[jetpack-angel.livejournal.com]

I think you need a vacation, but you don't need to go home for it. Road trip with somebody sympathetic, maybe? It's about the best advice I can offer, besides thinking that you might consider signing up for a martial arts class.

[emocezi.livejournal.com]

So hey, I'm totally lurking through your journal because it's fun and stuff.

Anywho, I get like this so often. You don't want to go to work, or even go home. You don't want to hang out with friends and go see a movie or go out for drinks. You just want to pack up a bag of things and just start walking.

It doesn't matter where you go, just that you start moving.

I think that's normal. Sort of a throwback to the good old days when we had to move around where ever the food went. Before the whole domestication thing. I love technology, but I honestly think life would be easier if we only had to worry about chopping wood and bringing in water and making bread, rather then worrying about student loans and car payments and the mortgage.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to just go join a commune where there was no money, and everyone bartered different skills and food stuffs. But it would have to be somewhere warm, like Mexico maybe. Yeah, Mexico would be nice.