Arguing with myself and ooh! Shiny!

So working at a camp is.... an adventure and a half, shall we say. It's a lot of fun too, and I can genuinely say I like everyone I work with (not necessarily as co-workers but as people in general) and I love being able to work with the young women coming for the CIT program.

We just finished up "Magic and Mysteries" week, aka "Harry Potter" week and it was a blast! I got to play Snitch for the Quidditch Tournament and also play a staff game to keep the girls entertained while the scores were all being tallied up. It was all kinds of wet and muddy because it had rained just a few hours before so most of the kids were caked in mud. I actually managed to not slip and fall down in the mud but I did get hit by a couple of bludgers (which at that point were more mud-balls than foam) so I threw my shirt in with my girls' shirts for a quick wash. I definitely want to look into joining the Quidditch team at my school this next semester. So much fun. 'My' unit (I'm assigned to a unit for the week because I'm not actually in one) won the second task which involved making a boat out of random objects, taking it across the lake and completing challenges along the way, 'rescuing' another counselor and then bringing everything back across the lake. It was a lot of fun to watch and cheer for and my unit won that challenge. Then there was the Horcrux hunt, which is a challenge/scavenger hunt. I wasn't involved because I had to get sleep so I could drive for the day camp group the next morning but apparently it was pretty awesome too. It was honestly a lot of fun, especially dressing up as 'Hawkeye Moody' for parts of one day.

I think the only thing I would want to change is some of the Admin decisions. Especially the way some of my co-workers are being treated. I'm not going to go into that now because it'll just make me angry again.

I'm sure that by now, most people have seen the Kony 2012 video that went viral over the past...24 hours or so and displaying the crimes of Joseph Kony and his LRA.  I know I did, and I tweeted and posted it on facebook, and shared it around.

And then I started doing some digging.

At first, I saw a lot of people parroting things they'd seen and was pretty scathing about it.  For one, not one of them listed where they got these numbers from.  I brushed it off as a sort of 'haters gonna hate' thing.  But I kept seeing 31% (32% in some cases) of funds to on-the-ground efforts and started getting to the serious business of research, which I pride myself on being fairly good at.  It took a while, because most of the results I found at first were on blog sites, or were responses on forums, and were therefore, not very reputable.

Then someone posted Invisible Children's 2010/2011 audited financials and at first I wasn't sure what I was looking at.  I'm not an accountant, nor am I very finance-savvy.  I kept the page up and kept looking.

I found The rating for Invisible Children on Charity Navigator which is a known charity watchdog group.  I started getting nervous, because while the pie chart that shows where spending is looks good, the bar graph beside it that shows revenue vs. expenses for the group didn't look so good for 2011, and compared to similar groups (you can see them at the bottom of the page) they've actually got a pretty low score.

I was skeptical of the write-up on Guyism because I didn't know if they were reliable or not, but their article (which has had 2 updates since I saw it the first time) linked me to The Daily What which had links to multiple reputable sources.  At this point, I went back to the audited financials and took another look.  The group raised $13,765,180 in 2011, and spent $8,676,614.  Of that, $2,810,681 went to what is listed as "Direct Services."  The next largest chunk at $1,724,993 is listed as "Compensation Costs."  The third largest chunk at $1,074,273 is "Travel Expenses."  The sections "Film Costs" and "Production Cost" reach a total of $1,209,132 for the year.  Now I'm getting seriously leery.

I figure at this point, it's time to look for actual news groups covering the whole thing and one of the first results is the filmmaker responding to criticism on an Australia morning show.  I suggest you watch, because at one point he addresses the 32% accusations and actually agrees that this is true, and that the rest goes to raising awareness in the Western World.  The 32% accusation comes from a Tumblr Blog focused solely on creating more accurate awareness of the problems in Uganda and the problems with the Invisible Children organization.  At one point in the interview, the filmmaker claims that the person running the blog is a "High school student in Canada."  While the blog writer is a student in Canada, he is actually a second year sociology and political science student at a university.

At this point I read an article about How Kony is no longer in Uganda and the situation is more complex than the Kony 2012 video portrays it.

My feelings on the Invisible Children organization and the Kony 2012 campaign are complex at this point.  Should Joseph Kony be brought to justice for his crimes?  Yes, definitely.  But while the idea of making Kony famous for his crimes to ensure he will be captured and brought to justice is a noble one, there are more pressing problems for Uganda right now.  Kony has left the country, his forces are severely diminished from the height of his reign of terror, and children don't have to fear for their lives.  But the government is corrupt, and children are poverty-stricken, and those who escaped from the LRA are mostly young adults or adolescents now, and still have very little in the way of a future because there are few options available to them.  Disease and child prostitution are rampant, and the country needs more than people knowing about a war that was at it's worst in the past.  The call to action, to ensure that the US maintains it's presence in Uganda seems redundant.  There has been no mention of withdrawing the forces that were sent to assist the Ugandans, and simply finding and eliminating Kony as a major player is not necessarily a solution to the problems that Uganda faces.  Kony's reign of terror was a product of the political scene already in place, and his removal will not change that.

So, I'm back at school.  I've been really busy while I was on my summer break.  I had work most of the summer, being a camp counselor, so that took most of my time and energy.  I had a few times where things got crazy at work: had to give one girl the heimlich, I had a bunch of kids get stung by bees, three boys had to be sent home.  1 was violent, cursing, and tried to walk out of camp, the second threw an epic tantrum, was violent and cursing, and the thrid was violent, cursed, and didn't listen to anyone.  The first two were 9, the thrid boy was 6.  And his mom called the cops on us, but more on that later.  I had two 5-year olds follow some of the volunteers/workers/older campers down to put up some horses on the 'powerlines' which are several pastures out under the long-distance power-line thingies.  So when one girl's mother showed up no one knew where she had gone.  So that was stressful.  I had horses stepping on my feet, one co-counselor(older than me) who was inept and acted/dressed like a child, another who finished work and went back to school a week before me, and I came very close to passing out under the pinball machine in the camper barn one day.  Close enough I could feel my eyes trying to roll back in my head.  So that was exciting, and I got hosed down before they put me on the steps into the pool, and everyone was asking me how i was feeling after that.

So, the police incident:

There was this one kid, we'll call him Al.  Al was a bit of a weird kid.  He was happier playing by himself than joining the other kids to play.  So Monday he had to go home early because he got stung.  OK, mom came and got him, fine.  The next day, he was quite unhappy that he hadn't had a chance to ride the previous day, and so he started hitting, kicking, and being violent with the other campers.  He even spat on one girl.  So, I get his mom's phone number and call her and let her know what is happening, and that if it happens again I'll have to ask her to come pick Al up and not come back.  So, things are good for a while, Al goes on his ride, things are fine, no problems, the second ride goes out, I do the wagon ride, things are cool.  Then, Al starts getting violent again.  I tell one of the volunteers to get Momma Sarah to talk to Al, because Momma Sarah don't take no shit from no one.  I pull out my phone to call Al's mother, and she tells me that she is already on her way, because she isn't satisfied with the services.  WELL.  So, then, Dan(basically, the farmhand/mechanic/guide/all-around-fixer) comes over and he's carrying Al like a sack of potatoes.  At this point the mom drives up and gets all upset because Dan is restraining and holding her kid.  The mom tells us that she isn't satisfied with the services, and she's asking about a refund, and telling us that she "works in a daycare, and they think communication is very important, so they use the 'sandwich method' to talk to parents."  So, Dan, Alex(another volunteer) and I all go "WTF?" and so she explains that when you talk to parents you start with a positive, then the negative, and end on a positive.  My thoughts?  "Lady, I have 40-some kids, and there are 30-some horses over there.  I don't have time to spend 30 minutes talking about one kid.  That ain't my job.  My job is to make sure that my campers are safe."  So mom grabs Al by the wrist and drags him a ways away, then, to talk to him, she grabs both wrists and holds his hands out so he can't hit her.  Now, every time I talked to her I got the "This is unusual behavior for Al.  He's never done this before."  And now my thoughts are "Lady, when you are restraining your kid just to talk to him, this ain't abnormal behavior."  So she leaves, things are good for a while, and then she drives back up, and behind her is a police cruiser!  So she and the officer get out and talk for a moment, the officer comes over(a couple of my older campers help by getting the younger kids into the camper barn for a while) and asks who is in charge and for me to get them.  So I go and get Momma Sarah and she goes and talks with the officer and the mom for a while.  I keep an eye on them and the few campers who are still outside.  At one point, the mom starts crying over something.  So after a while the mom gets back in her car and leaves, and Momma Sarah comes and tells me that we were in the right to restrain the kid if he was being violent.  So I tell all the parents and such, and when I have like, 6 kids left I go to check on one who is hanging out with the volunteers and workers and get told that I have to write an incident report of what happened.  So after all my campers get checked out I go and write up my report.  Come to find out, the mom and the owner had a phone conversation, and the mom threatened to sue for a refund, and for child abuse on Dan's part.  The owner said that "apparently you had to restrain your own kid just to talk to him!"  And the mom's response?  Denial.  "I never laid a HAND on him!"   I call your bull, and raise you a shit.  Oh, and no refunds, and we have the right to rescind your kids invitation to camp.  It's on the back of the damn camp registration form.  And the NO REFUNDS policy, too.  SO that was....yeah.  Exciting.

Oh, and I changed all the names here to protect my co-workers.

So, it is 3 something in the morning, and I'm still awake.  Fuck insomnia.  At this point, I think I'm just insane.  Which, entirely possible.  Also, I don't think I've ever written as much fanfic as I have in the last few weeks.  It seems I've found my home fandom in Hawaii Five-0.  And apparently, watching SGA and having insomnia makes my brain come up with weird fic ideas.  Involving a, gasp, horrors! self-insert of myself as, oddly enough(or maybe not oddly, but just, well, not my actual field of study) a botanist with the gene who has bouts of insomnia.  Which, kinda weird, but not.  I did consider horticulture.  But anyways.  Despite all the fandoms I've gotten into(and out of) and written for, Hawaii Five-0 has definitely kicked it into high gear.

Also, according to shanachie_quill , I am Joe Flanigan.  Only, shorter, stockier, with lighter hair and internal reproduction.  I kept complaining about my cowlicks being itchy, and explained that I have seven of them on my head, and if I cut it really ridiculously short, it would do pretty much the same thing that his does.  And occasionally, they make my scalp itch whenever I touch them.

 So, got back to campus from the wedding in Kentucky around 6-ish, got all my crap up to my room, then went to have dinner with my parents and one of my friends.  Was awesome, got to introduce her to good Chinese food.  :D  Anyways.  Wedding was long (Catholic mass),  but the reception was awesome.  Had a lot of fun dancing, and getting my younger girl cousins to dance.

But, found out my dog has cancer.  :(  Sad day, which means that if it's not treatable, aka, if there's tendrils of it going into her heart, probably the best thing would be to put her down.  Which sucks, because  for a dog who's 11, she's got the physiology of a dog of 7 or 8.  So I'm worrying about that.

So, classes start today, I've got a lab at 9 today.  boo, hiss.  So, Off I go!

Well, first off, Happy New Year!! :D  I believe emocezi  did this first, but I wanted to do one too.  So I did.  XD

Kinda silly, but that's what makes it so amusing.

Second off, I have kinda dug myself a hole in regards to school.  I failed two classes, one of which was tennis, and really not all that important in the long run, but the other was a gen ed(the 'basic' classes that all students have to take) that I was retaking, and so now I have more 'F's on my transcript.  So I'm basically backed into a corner now.  I have to get A's and B's this semester, and decide whether or not I can keep going, or if I'm just going to get my GPA up so if I do leave, I can go back at some later point and try again.  I'm really rather conflicted, because part of me really wants to stay, and get my degree, but another part of me doesn't care all that much.

Third off, my dog is a speshul snowflake!  She's got a blocked salivary gland, started basically on Christmas morning, and her throat area started swelling up.  She looked like she had a goiter.  It was really funny looking, but then, it spread, and her lower face, up to her eyes, was swollen.  She started looking like a pit bull, or like she had mumps.  So we took her to the vet, and they tried to aspirate some of it, but it was all diffuse, and so it didn't really work.  But then she started 'raining' as the fluid started leaking out through the needle-holes in her skin.  So she had an ascot to collect the drips for the next 24 hours or so.  But that only solved the problem for a little while.  She started swelling up again, and it started draining down into her chest, but we didn't really notice that much.  Then, a couple days ago, one leg started swelling up, and then the next day, both legs were swollen.  She had cankles!  So we took her back to the vet, who put her on a whole bunch of meds, to try and reduce the swelling and pull some of the liquid out.  But the vets/vet techs were all "poor baby!" and had never seen a dog with a blocked salivary gland with this much swelling.  XD  my dog is a speshul snowflake.

The Beast is clawing away at me, just under the skin.  And this restlessness is so much harder to ignore.  Screaming, snarling, roaring at me.  The urge to get out, flee, run, hide, run, run, don't look back, get away, push people away, runrunrunrunrun.  And where the need to move, fight, MOVE is hard to ignore, this is 10, 20 times worse.  The urge to run away from everything, everyone who's close to me, everyone who knows me.  And it hurts to ignore it.  Because it would be so easy to just walk out and disappear.  And there's a normal part of me that wants to.  To just move, go, escape, leave and not come back, just me, my laptop, and a few other things.  It would be so easy, and part of me wants to.  I want to listen to the urge to be anywhere but here, and just leave all the worries about school and stuff behind.  I want to not care about getting through college, and it's so hard to resist.

So, I wanted to join the Marching Band service fraternity,  Kappa Kappa Psi(pronounced sigh).  Went to rush events, hung out with the KKPsi people, talked, laughed, generally had a lot of fun with them.  So Wednesday, I had to turn in my letter of intent, saying that yes, I wanted to pledge.  A few hours ago, a couple of people from KKPsi came by my dorm room to tell me if I could pledge or not.  I can't.  My GPA is too low right now, because of the whole, passive aggressive, depression thing last year.  You know,  this shit.  So I've been working all last semester and now this semester to bring my GPA up, but it's still too low.  It's really rather disappointing, because I really wanted to do this.  I feel kind of empty at the moment.  And I'm tired.  It hurts a bit.  Because this was something that was really important to me.  And I still have writings to get done.  Fuck my life.

But first, a bit of freaking out.  Because tomorrow is the first football game, and because I'm in the marching band, I have to be up at the stadium at 9 for run-through, and I won't be done until after 7.  And I do not feel ready at all, partly because it is 9/11, and partly because I've been sick basically all week, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.  Fuck.

So, anyways.  Last weekend was kinda crazy.  Went home for the long weekend, YAY for having Monday off!  Which was, honestly, probably more stressful than it should have been.  Yeah.  But, I did get to go to a party with some friends (my best friend from high school's boyfriends 21st b-day party) and watched most everyone there get drunk, or at least buzzed/tipsy.  Although, the boyfriend did end up on the floor at one point, because "It's cooler than the sofa."  Honestly, he pretty much slid/rolled off the sofa, and was to uncoordinated to get up.  So that was pretty fun.  Then I went to see "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" with neighbors and mom, and we were quite pleased with the geek factor of it.  We were all quite baffled that it got such bad reviews.  It was supposed to be action/comedy, and it was.  You just needed to be pretty geeky to get a lot of the comedy.  Oh, and the shirt Dave (the protagonist) was wearing in the last bit?  This one.  Awesome.  I kinda yanked on my mom's arm and whispered urgently at her, and she totally missed what I was saying.... Both times.  XD  I'm really kind of annoyed that the reviewers didn't like it, because it's physics geek (who, honestly, isn't all that great looking and has a kinda funny voice) gets music geek, plus age-old romance finally fufilled.  And Tesla coils.  Lots of Tesla coils.  And awesome special effects.  :D  Geek heaven.  Especially some of the comic bits.  I seriously think all geeks should see it.  I want to own it.  :D

Anyways.  long day tomorrow, presuming I'm not dead from mega-cold.

I want to hear John Barrowman singing "Puttin' On The Ritz" so bad.  I'm not even entirely sure why, just that I do, because it would be awesome.

Also, I should resist the urge to explore new fandoms.  The ones I have are plenty, despite the exceptionally strong urge to watch White Collar now.  Someone please tell me I should not do this.

Also, Cat!Dean has taken over my brain courtesy of taylor_serenil and I'm torn between begging her to write some, and writing some myself.  **headdesk**  Although, I am very excited for the new season of Dark Blue!!  Although, I should finish/post the story I've been writing, but I'm a bit lost as to a title for it.  I'm very bad at titles.  And I really want to get this thing posted, so I can stop agonizing over tiny little mistakes and futzing with it and actually get around to writing the second chapter, even though I don't even have a title for the whole thing yet.

And I need to work on the CSI story that jetpack_angel  said I could write in her We Don't Die universe, except that Grissom doesn't make a very good muse, because he doesn't talk, he just notices things, and Nick get's really nervous about the most random things to get nervous about, and it's really annoying.  And Greg rambles like me, because he gets excited/nervous/worked up in any way and that's just what he does.  **Bangs head against wall**

In other words, my head is a very noisy, but very unproductive place.